Gray

It’s been three months since
I last laid eyes on you
and every night I go to
bed swearing to myself,
that you are the stupidest obsession
I’ve ever had.
But I still wake in the morning with
gray ashes
burning my lips,  
melting through my self induced
lies.
Leaving the pound in
my chest to echo.
Echo to my ears,
resounding my skull
and twisting its way into my
mind,
until its so entangled
with normal thought
that you are a part of my.
Not unlike the lungs that help me breathe.

My eyes have lost need for
any colors that aren't you
and any thought that might
be the seed of a lie.
I’m lost.
Seeing the world in
grayscale.
Ashes like rain
covering sidewalks
and houses
til nothing is left but
gray and the heat from
the fire.

I know I don’t love you
But without you
The world has never felt more like winter
Summer’s heat can’t keep me warm
The way I am around you
Every memory the same
Every time the same
Always with you.
Maybe three months is just the
Pinnacle of the time
Of absence
But it’s never been clearer that
Without you my world is ash.
Gray and soft
Mourning the destruction of
Life.
So when I wake to
Tear stains etched across
My heart like
A hot iron’s marks
I think of how wonderful
You’d look
In grayscale.